Abbott shirtfronts an onion. It’s a lifestyle choice

16 Mar

Seinfeld. George eats an onion


Prime Minister Tony Abbott made international news the other day by eating a raw onion, skin and all.

This is a peculiarly Australian test of hegemonic masculinity – ruling class males must, before reaching retirement age, eat a raw onion to camera, ensuring a visual record of arrival at full status in the dominant group.

It is required of males in the political hierarchy that the Initiation of the Onion be performed sooner rather than later. Prime Minister Abbott has been somewhat tardy in fulfilling his obligations, as was evidenced by the discontent among his back benchers, who attempted some weeks ago to move a spill motion in an attempt to unseat him.

Eat the raw onion! they demanded, or get off the pot.

Hopes are running high now that after completing his final initiation Abbott, having absorbed the mystical power of the onion much in the way that primitive peoples believed that eating the heart and liver of warrior enemies would increase their strength and fortitude, will change his leadership style to one that better accommodates the many layers of complexity any leader must deal with in his followers.

It is the opinion of this writer that Prime Minister Abbott might have better served the country and his own interests by retaining the onion, intact, between his teeth, in the manner of a pig on a spit with an apple in its jaws. That way he would not have been able to yet again put his foot in his mouth, as he did when two days ago he decided to describe Indigenous people living in remote communities as making a “lifestyle choice.”

There are perhaps few other phrases so redolent of white middle-class privilege as the phrase “lifestyle choice.” Such language could not be more irrelevant when discussing remote Aboriginal communities, unless the Prime Minister is so impoverished in imagination as to believe that forty thousand years of attachment to country can be reduced to the contemporary concept of  “lifestyle choice.”

A more outstanding example of solipsism would be difficult to find, even from this Prime Minister whose great talent is his ability to perceive the world and everyone in it as existing only through his eyes. If he stops looking at us, we aren’t here.

Of course the term “lifestyle choice” has been used by ruling-class hegemonic masculinists before in relation to asylum seekers arriving here by boat. These people are not refugees fleeing persecution, they are serial pests flitting from country to country, stubbornly intent on fulfilling their lifestyle choices. Otherwise they are terrorists. Yes. The hegemonic masculine mind projects its own understandings on to the world outside of it, and look what it comes up with.

Personally, I think it would have been far more interesting had the Prime Minister shoved the onion up his arse. Much more of a talking point, and a unique way of adding value to that asset. After all, the apprehension is taking hold amongst Australian people that our PM speaks, increasingly, from that orifice.

Of course it would first be necessary to remove the suppository of wisdom in order to make room for the onion, but the shelf-life of suppositories is a short one, and much of it may have melted, making removal a relatively straightforward procedure.

Perhaps the consumption of the onion indicates the PM has taken a new if tentative  step along the long and winding road to wisdom. It was Socrates, I believe, whose advice for a good, wise and moral life was to first, Know Thine Onions.





13 Responses to “Abbott shirtfronts an onion. It’s a lifestyle choice”

  1. doug quixote March 16, 2015 at 8:05 am #

    Regrettably, the suppository of all wisdom has not melted at all; it certainly has had no effect on Abbott, who is as absurd, narcissistic and psychopathic as ever.

    But I was surprised that there was any room for the onion in Abbott’s mouth, considering his feet are firmly implanted in that orifice. (Are you sure it wasn’t his arse?)

    Liked by 1 person

  2. lindacairnes2 March 16, 2015 at 8:22 am #

    I decided to have an anti toxic Tony free weekend. Laughter on a Monday morn is very therapeutic.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. helvityni March 16, 2015 at 12:08 pm #

    There are onions and onions, I could easily eat a red and raw Spanish onion, and I’d gladly stuff one older, heavily skinned brown one in Abbott’s mouth every morning.

    I miss George Costanza, onion eating or not


    • Jennifer Wilson March 16, 2015 at 12:56 pm #

      Oh, yes, Helvi so do I. My son has DVDs I borrow now and again.


  4. Michaela Tschudi March 16, 2015 at 1:11 pm #

    Ha! When you wrote ‘or get off the pot’, did you mean potty or weed? Either could work.

    In terms of his appalling comments lifestyle choices, there’s running commentary on soc med about the WA govt closing down Indigenous homelands to make land available to mining companies, but I haven’t seen that in MSM yet. Nothing would surprise me.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. olddavey March 16, 2015 at 8:08 pm #

    This piece in Loon Pond nicely puts “lifestyle choice” into perspective:

    Back when people weren’t so up themselves as they are today, “way of life” was the term used for peoples’ normal circumstances, and then along came the other silly term, no doubt coined by advertising wankers.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. hudsongodfrey March 17, 2015 at 9:47 pm #

    Washed it down with a Guinness on St Patrick’s day, but the Irish failed to see why it took three pints of the stuff to get the taste out of his mouth…. Poor Tony!


  7. paul walter March 18, 2015 at 7:59 pm #

    You’ve been itching to do a piece on “hegemonic masculinity”, haven’t you?

    Whatever Abbott is smoking, wild stuff.. can he email me an arfa?

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson March 18, 2015 at 8:06 pm #

      Yes, but that’s only a tiny taste of what I have in store for you, PW


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