#As a mother

19 Jul



Look. If I see/hear one more woman claim privileged insight because she’s a mother I will puke, spectacularly, in technicolour, over everything because WTAF?

On the proviso that you and your partner’s parts are in working order, all you need to become a mother is a root at the right time. It doesn’t even have to be a good one. In the matter of becoming mothers we are animals. It’s biological. It doesn’t qualify women for anything: it doesn’t make us better prime ministers, and it doesn’t give us exceptional insight into race relations. It can bring out the best and the worst in us, as can very many other situations encountered by the human female during the course of her life on earth.

Motherhood teaches us above all how to survive drudgery. Unless you’ve got nannies who do that for you, of course. There’s nappies and reeking shit; there’s three-year-olds whose every sentence begins with why, twelve hours a day. There’s broken nights, oh my god the broken nights. There’s kids creeping into your bed at 2am only to wake you up at three to inform you they just dreamed they were on the toilet and have accidentally peed. There’s days of exhaustion, running into one another till you don’t know what you did and when, let alone why. None of this makes a woman any better equipped to run a country than does, say, Malcolm Turnbull’s ability to turn a modest dot-com investment into millions, or Sonia Kruger’s ability to host Dancing with the Stars equips her to comment intelligently on immigration policy.

I’m a mother. I’ll never underestimate the importance of my influence on my children, for better and for worse. But #as a woman, I believe we need to recognise that attempting to privilege our motherhood works against us far more than it ever works for us. Motherhood isn’t a sacred calling. It isn’t the pinnacle of female achievement. Personally, I don’t feel greatly improved as a human being because I spent years of my life wrangling the obstinate young, and didn’t sell them to the circus.

Women who aren’t mothers can care just as much about the future as women who are, and it’s disgraceful to imply otherwise. Women who aren’t mothers can weep for the slaughtered children of others just as keenly as women who are.

The worst aspect of this motherhood rot is its divisiveness. There’s an entirely unwarranted moral acclaim blindly attributed to motherhood that divides those of us who are from those of us who aren’t. It’s lovely if you want children and have them. It’s just as lovely if you don’t want children and don’t have them. It’s another situation if you want them and can’t realise that desire.  None of us should be valued according to whether or not we reproduce ourselves. Indeed, there may well be an argument for refraining from reproduction, given the future we face.


73 Responses to “#As a mother”

  1. townsvilleblog July 19, 2016 at 1:47 pm #

    I have always been under the impression that men are mono while women are stereo meaning they can do two things at once (not root, which would be great anytime) however women make better receptionists I’ve been told because they can concentrate on two or more things at once. I was in my younger years able to handle two things at once, but when they threw the third ball for me to juggle I always dropped them all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. townsvilleblog July 19, 2016 at 1:51 pm #

    There’s days of exhaustion, running into one another till you don’t know what you did and when, let alone why. This perfectly sums up my current life, because I live in a pig sty.

    Liked by 1 person

    • townsvilleblog July 19, 2016 at 1:52 pm #

      Not of my doing, I might add.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 1:59 pm #

        Commiserations, my friend. I hope you can take a stand.

        Liked by 1 person

        • townsvilleblog July 22, 2016 at 4:10 pm #

          Stands I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention, each time I stand “it’ll be better this time” but never changes, it makes me suicidal at times but nothing ever changes.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. helvityni July 19, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

    It’s not all roses for the kids either, according to Philip Larkin:

    They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
    They may not mean to, but they do.
    And fill you with the faults they had
    And add some extra, just for you.

    Liked by 4 people

    • samjandwich July 19, 2016 at 4:13 pm #



    • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 5:50 pm #

      Ha, one of my favourite poems, Helvi, as well as a mother I was once a child….

      Liked by 1 person

    • townsvilleblog July 22, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

      My daughter has been spoiled from birth, and has turned out remarkable well considering the style that her mother, and her mother raised her, with no place for me in the child rearing department.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. sam jandwich July 19, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

    I would think that people say things “as a mother” in order to demonstrate that they are not just doing it out of their own unbridled self-interest (since as you understand that’s what people are all about), but because they are making their decisions based on what’s best for their child… the child made me do it!

    Does a double-negative abrogation of responsibility end up as a positive?

    And what does the child think of being put in this position? It does sound like yet another opportunity to trot out Philip Larkin: http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/66966-they-fuck-you-up-your-mum-and-dad-they-may

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 5:53 pm #

      “As a mother” is like an appendix: completely unnecessary. I don’t even know what it means. Mothers aren’t a monolith.

      Liked by 3 people

      • townsvilleblog July 25, 2016 at 12:05 pm #

        I would think it means: from my experience as a mother?

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hypo July 25, 2016 at 4:09 pm #

          Kruger was using the statement as a claim for more rights than other lowly ranked folk.Be they mother,single,father or other.

          Womb productivity (like sperm production) has no bearing on intelligence or rights in law or morals or any other debate.

          As a ‘human’ I object.


  5. paul walter July 19, 2016 at 5:06 pm #

    I am glad Jennifer Wilson guesses how Sonia Kruger functions.

    This posting reminds me that I have to recall the conditions under which people are individuated.

    That both beef cake and cupcake alike, all of us in fact, are subject to the conditioning that occurs from and through childhood and the responses that inculcates in us.

    I won’t condemn Kruger, she is/was obviously one of Tankard Reists sexualised women, an example of how “girlie”types learn to adjust to their conditioning through the play acting out of “femininity” to acquire the spoils of defeat and disappointment in patriarchy.

    The attempt to justify the ugliest of her crude, excluding comments through recourse to the motherhood meme was lazy, panic stricken and dishonest…if she understood motherhood she’d spare a moment’s thought for Muslim women refugees instead of justifying some horrible treatment of them from her community, which incidentally gives her her privileged position (bird in gilded cage?), through the wholesale slaughter and robbery of Muslims and other third worlders.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 5:50 pm #

      Kruger is not gifted with the intelligence required to examine her attitudes. It’s not possible to blame someone for that.


    • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 11:41 am #

      I am always suspicious of women who like to present themselves as drag queens – dyed hair, layers of make up and so on… for example Ivana Trump – well any female who hangs wif de Trumpster, Sonia Kruger, Maggie Thatcher’s hair, Bronwyn Bishop’s hair, anyone who risks turning into a bedraggled Persian cat is she is caught in the rain…

      … I don’t know if Kruger is a mother, however, the rest of the above are/were mothers… just sayin’

      Liked by 1 person

      • helvityni July 20, 2016 at 1:02 pm #

        …diannaart, what about Michaelia Cash’s hair (+voice), and Ms Bishop’s darkly cohled eyes and miniskirts…?


        • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 1:23 pm #

          Indeed, Helvityni.


  6. Hypo July 19, 2016 at 5:50 pm #

    Parenthppd is not a right,children are not bling,nature is not a vehicle to wealth, and yet….

    Hanson is a mother,Kruger is a mother Thatcher was a mother.Hitler had a mother.
    The word has no remaining value outside the 4 walls of a home.If you have one.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 5:53 pm #

      Not sure I agree with that last sentence, Hypo.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hypo July 19, 2016 at 6:04 pm #

        then add >thanks to haters hijacking the word ,the word has little remaining value outside the 4 walls of a home.If you are lucky enough to have one.

        The Hanson and Kruger types denying other mothers of a safe refuge proves the word is diminishing exponentially.A word garners no religious or sacrosanct meaning,just because a pimp on a soap box wants to politically prostitute it.

        (I pity their offspring. The genes will continue)

        Liked by 1 person

      • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 11:43 am #

        Would a father claim he only has value inside four walls?

        Liked by 1 person

    • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 11:42 am #

      Oops I had not reached your post when I wrote the above. However, I have reinforced you point.


      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hypo July 19, 2016 at 5:58 pm #

    #Royal Commission into parliament (Hanson) and Krugers workplace,’cos preaching hate.
    Royal Commission into motherhood ‘cos all terrorists came from mothers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson July 19, 2016 at 8:10 pm #

      And fathers


      • Hypo July 19, 2016 at 10:07 pm #

        Indeed.But of late, the as a mother has claimed the spotlight.
        Parenthood is a (ultimate) responsibility not a right.No-one is born into it.Despite what many claim.

        In western society, more than ever,kids are accessories.
        Now the outraged are using their own flesh and blood to score likes on social media,FFS.

        I’m much more interested in the ‘#as a child’ component.Even when it comes from their adult version.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Jennifer Wilson July 20, 2016 at 5:57 am #

          Think of the children! The Simpson’s Helen Lovejoy, and Melinda Tankard Reist.


  8. doug quixote July 19, 2016 at 6:37 pm #

    When you have no other claim to authority, learning or sagacity . . . any straw can be grasped to justify your strident opinions.

    I doubt that too many are impressed by the “as a mother” claim to fame. It reminds me of “The Checkout” send up, “as a guilty mum”. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    • Hypo July 19, 2016 at 7:17 pm #

      In the days of social media and the lurch to the right,

      # as a mother is no different to

      # I’m not a racist but,
      or even (as the sewerage overflows,

      # they are entitled to say what they want.
      Meaningless chaff.

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Hypo July 19, 2016 at 7:24 pm #

    Another Howardesque point in our history.


    Biden does the sherriff deputy waltz.
    (Last time it cost 88 lives in Bali.)
    Eagerly militarising our dialogue, wile he was supposed to talk about curing cancer.Why?Oh the usual.To bolster the war machine.
    Right as everything we do in the middle east amplifies the terrorist threat here and abroad, and costs thousands of lives per month on Iraq,Syria etc soil.Plus the millions of refugees.Biden telling us in the same speech how Austamerica cares about and is aiding the fleeing masses with open hearts and minds.WTF planet does he live on?
    .Just as Mal tells us we are now a defence industry economy.

    Build a bunker people.The fertiliser approaches the ventilator at terminal speed.

    A meteorite is more than we deserve.


  10. happywawa15 July 19, 2016 at 10:32 pm #

    Well said!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Marilyn July 20, 2016 at 4:40 am #

    As a great grandmother of almost three, I would be appalled to have any of my girls in my family be such ignorant bigots and dump their ignorant bigotry on their children. I would wash their mouths out with fucking caustic soda.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Hypo July 20, 2016 at 9:02 am #

    Most of the comments on MSM articles about Kruger are closed or closing rapidly.Gutless??Where has the free speech gone oh bigoted ones?Dialogue not going in the direction you want?Ratings dropping?Cash slipping?
    How will Kruger cope with Muslim contestants coming on to her talent(/) show?
    Will she wear a bullet proof vest if there are Burkas in the audience?

    I doubt Kruger can rewrite the meaning of her racist,xenophobic slur, and I hope she knows everywhere her kid grows someone somewhere will refer back to this point in her mothers history.

    Poor little Maggie.Collateral damage affects another generation.

    Reminder to Ms Kruger >the recently departed Ali was a Muslim.
    Did he scare you too, Sonia?
    He had more intellect and compassion in a single sweat band, than Kruger will ever have.


    • Hypo July 20, 2016 at 9:31 am #

      everywhere her kid ‘goes’


      • Marilyn July 20, 2016 at 4:28 pm #

        Her daughter is 2, she is 50, I doubt her daughter would be scared of anything or anyone unless Sonya brainwashed her to be.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hypo July 20, 2016 at 4:59 pm #

          “unless Sonya brainwashed her to be.”

          Given the trouble Kruger went to defy nature, to have her entitled child bearing duties fulfilled, I doubt NOT brainwashing the poor little bugger is is on her RADAR.
          For sure she will not want all this outrage to be wasted, so turning it into something meaningful for Maggie ergo bringing her up all straight and white like mummy dear is a gimme.

          Or does Kruger strike you as someone bent towards bringing up an open minded child?(coughing)


  13. FA July 20, 2016 at 12:50 pm #

    I think people who have children do tend to behave slightly differently from people without. In particular, people with children tend to have a longer view on society precisely because they now have genetic skin in the game. Whereas, someone without children tends to be more interested in the here and now because they have no heirs. This is noticeable in the correlation of political views and having children; a well demonstrated one being fathers with daughters being more likely to support feminist positions.

    This is likely strongly genetically based – protecting our genes and the genes of our tribe is obviously beneficial to a tribe. For recent examples of how strong this can be, see how terribly French women who slept with Nazis were treated by their town after the Nazis retreated. The women who chose to partner with Nazis were taking a gamble; if the Nazis had won, they’d have been very well placed to benefit in the new ruling order.

    I understand it as this long view idea that “as a mother” is trying to get across. Policies that will lead to conflict in time are going to be fought by today’s children. Therefore, a potential leader who is a parent and has shown they have raised successful children, has a strong motivation to lead in a manner that benefits their children, and (hopefully,) by proxy, all the children of a society. (This has been somewhat corrupted, as who a potential leader considers part of their tribe is going to be affected by who they interact with, and that tends to be distorted by wealth.) It’s harder to understand what motivates someone without children to lead, particularly older women who can, because of biology, no longer reproduce. (An older man is still fertile, and power does increase his odds of having children, as women find it attractive.)

    I think, particularly for women, “as a mother” is a proxy for what we should look for in leaders. As a general rule, we cannot afford to eat our seed corn, regardless of how many people are in need today. Leaders who have a long view for society and are prepared to defend a society’s seed corn are far better for the long term health of society than those who don’t. (Obviously, I’m using ‘seed corn’ as a metaphor for social capital, industry, and everything else that keeps a country running well, as well as the agricultural base that feeds us all.)

    Liked by 1 person

    • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 12:56 pm #

      I don’t have children.

      I am actively engaged in supporting renewable technology and ways to reduce the impact humankind has made upon this planet – not for myself – I will be long gone before anything changes for the better, but for the future of this planet and not just for other human beings either, we have done great damage the flora and fauna. While I do know that the earth can recover in time – it will be a very different ecosystem and will be of our own making.

      One does not have to be a parent(mother) to care, FA.

      Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson July 20, 2016 at 2:41 pm #

      I know women who aren’t mothers and they have as much skin in the game as I do, FA. Some people with children behave like total shits who think only of the moment and their own immediate concerns. Look at all the climate deniers in government for e.g.: most of them have children but they aren’t exactly looking at the long-term.
      I guess whether you care about the future or not isn’t necessarily determined by whether you have children or not, is what I’m saying.


      • Hypo July 20, 2016 at 3:20 pm #

        I would go further and add this.
        Australia has been paying people to breed for quite a while now, so we have a massive skew towards those with kids.
        Additionally 9and as I pointed out many times around the election and beyond) the environment barely rated a mention in all surveys of voting intentions.
        Not even in the top ten.Bling is more important than biota. Money rules etc.
        Fck the reffos etc.
        The GBR got a few mentions way down the list Woo hoo!
        Fact Check confirmed this missing ‘care’ factor via the ‘skin in the game’ surveys showing no enviro issues in the top 10 or 12 nominated or voted for,issues..So if their is so much skin in the game where the fck is the warm fuzzy love and concern for the planet that sustains every organism upon it?
        People are so busy scrolling on their tablets to notice the earth crumbling around them.

        If parents/mothers/fathers care so much where the bloody were they are they?

        Oh yeah, counting the share dividends.

        Liked by 1 person

      • FA July 20, 2016 at 3:25 pm #

        I didn’t claim there was a necessary deterministic arrow. I said there was a correlation, and hence it is used as a proxy for a real value people care about.

        That is, if you know nothing about two potential candidates except that candidate A has children, and candidate B does not, then most people will choose candidate A.

        A man who abandoned his children, would have a difficult time rising to leadership for a similar reason.

        Liked by 1 person

        • diannaart July 20, 2016 at 3:33 pm #

          “That is, if you know nothing about two potential candidates except that candidate A has children, and candidate B does not, then most people will choose candidate A.”

          I don’t.

          Having known way too many self-absorbed parents, I consider how a candidate relates to the world in general not just their kids.

          Liked by 1 person

        • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 9:09 am #

          Yes, I think what you say is true, and I also think it’s a stupid way to make a decision about anyone’s ability to govern.


      • paul walter July 20, 2016 at 6:51 pm #

        That comment piques my curiosity. It is amazing how two different people’s sensibilities and outlook on life can vary so monumentally.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hypo July 21, 2016 at 8:52 am #

          Don’t let it confuse you too much,PW.The difference explains electoral outcomes and anomalies.
          Since time immemorial parenthood has held a self anointed importance.And yet the lived experience shows the folly of such crap.
          That people would vote for someone “because parents” = madness.
          Values ?
          Eg, Bob Brown Vs George Christensen?

          Open mind Vs closed mind.

          Earth Vs QLD


  14. Hypo July 20, 2016 at 2:27 pm #

    “In particular, people with children tend to have a longer view on society precisely because they now have genetic skin in the game. ”
    I call bullshit.Most of the people laying their arse on the line for ecological causes have no kids.
    I see population as the cause of the all the major problems we face globally.
    A big picture view?Yea nah.We would all be deliberately barren if that had any meat on the bone .

    The reality of recent studies showing how common motherhood regret indicates there is plenty of skin in the game of denial,if anything.

    “If I had my time again” syndrome is alive and well.


    • FA July 20, 2016 at 3:43 pm #

      But that’s a standard game theory trap. Everyone is better off if the number of children each couple has is near the replacement rate. However, a group that produces significantly more children than the rest of the population will demographically replace everyone else in the society over time if that policy can be maintained over generations. Replacing everyone in a society with your own descendants is very advantageous to the ones doing the replacing, especially if you also pass on strong cultural beliefs to your progeny. That is *your* genes and ideas becoming dominant – demographics is destiny.

      This is actually one of the major foreseeable issues with Muslims. There are Imams that explicitly promote this strategy among their flock living in the west. In the long term view of hundreds of years, if the typical Muslim family has 5+ children, while the rest of the population has less than 2, then it does not require many generations for the majority of the population to be Muslim. As religion is typically hereditary, and Islam in particular is strongly passed down across generations, this, as it has in the past, will prove to be a very successful strategy for turning non-Muslim countries into Muslim countries who would happily vote away secularism.

      If you think Western traditions of liberalism and individual rights are important, than you must have some counter to this strategy, because in a few generations, the few descendants you do have will be in the minority. Note there are Christians who deliberately try to employ this strategy as well. The quiverfull movement being but one example. It tends not to be worth worrying about, because very few of the children follow the same principles as their parents, and hence have a more reasonable number of children. Islam is far more successful than Christianity in being passed across generations in the modern era.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Hypo July 20, 2016 at 4:47 pm #

        Simple.Ban religious influence on govt and live within the means of ecology.
        Paying people to breed or rewarding it,is a crime against humanity.
        Will it ever happen?
        Are we heading for disaster based on ‘growth’ .Yes.

        The timing is the only unknown factor.But at the current rate it aint centuries off.
        That includes more than half of the remaining time a sad souless biodiversity depleted wasteland.

        The rant about Muslims breeding to outnumber other religions is more racist garbage dragged from the white net.There’s plenty of drop kicks unfit to be parents in Australia passing bogan genes on in an endless spiral downhill.
        Hanson is a by-product of that dead head process.


        Liked by 1 person

        • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 9:18 am #

          Actually, Hypo, I think most religions have at some time ordered their flocks to go forth & multiply in order to ensure the survival of their faith.


          • Hypo July 21, 2016 at 10:01 am #

            Boganity is a cult,not a religion.
            : )

            Liked by 1 person

            • rabbitwithfangs July 25, 2016 at 2:55 pm #

              Actually, ‘boganity’ is a really fuckin’ classist outlook that overwhelmed hipsters used as an insult to people who don’t have the privilege of money and education. I know it’s meant to be a ‘joke’, but you should examine what you mean by it and define it, exactly. I’m a left leaning feminist. I’m also a housewife who lives on the poverty line, listens to heavy metal and wears flip flops with jeans. #notallbogans, perhaps?


              • Hypo July 25, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

                I wish I had the time and inclination to study the roots of boaganity, but nah.


              • paul walter July 25, 2016 at 8:31 pm #

                Just so long as you don’t wear ugg boots or undersized trackies.

                Do you watch “Dancing With The Stars”?


                • Hypo July 25, 2016 at 8:59 pm #

                  Youve got the hots for a few ‘Houso’s’ chickie babes,innit PW?


      • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 9:15 am #

        You have given me food for thought in this post, FA.
        As you note, it’s a strategy also practised by Christians – the Catholic ban on birth control for e.g. that no longer seems to apply in most western countries, validating your point.


    • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 9:07 am #

      Oh, the knives are out in the msm


      • Hypo July 21, 2016 at 9:57 am #

        Could the MSM be terrorising her?

        Oh dear.Poor little lamb.Reaping what she sowed.How is that fair

        : /


  15. Hypo July 21, 2016 at 9:33 am #

    Poor Son-Son,

    “Sonia Kruger is a ‘liability’ for the brands she represents and several deals now hang in the balance”


    Liked by 1 person

    • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 4:53 pm #

      Well, i guess there’s always a down side to having a commercial platform…


  16. paul walter July 21, 2016 at 10:49 am #

    The thing that saddens me is, people like this actually believe their own nonsenses?

    What has happened to our dream, when even the most pampered of us can find no peace from the noise within Australian heads?

    How can it be a life when, living high on the hill, there is only the pervasive terror of finding coffee skinned people lurking under the bed, ready to do know who knows what… devilish cunning, you know.

    Best not to look. One day Sonia may actually find one, if she plucks up the courage to look, what will happen then?


    • helvityni July 21, 2016 at 12:09 pm #

      paulwalter, I think I’d find a lot of dust and fluff UNDER my bed if I cared to look. Wouldn’t it be much more horrible to find a certain Queensland Redhead IN one’s bed…?

      Liked by 1 person

      • paul walter July 21, 2016 at 1:17 pm #


        Not frigid, but that has killed my interest in sex for a time.

        It is a diabolical thought and reveals a complex pathology I had previously thought not possible for Helvi.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hypo July 21, 2016 at 1:24 pm #

          I’d rather be a Necrophiliac.

          Liked by 1 person

          • helvityni July 21, 2016 at 2:34 pm #

            LOL,Hypo, trust you to come up with the funniest reply, GO almost fell off his chair hearing it…

            Liked by 1 person

          • doug quixote July 21, 2016 at 3:12 pm #

            Leave Kevin Andrews and Eric Abetz alone!


          • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm #

            I thought you were joke joe joke


        • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 5:02 pm #

          Helvi was simply being imaginative, PW 🙂


          • paul walter July 21, 2016 at 5:03 pm #

            My hint would be, “stick to dull”.

            Liked by 1 person

          • helvityni July 21, 2016 at 6:31 pm #

            Jennifer, I tested the joke with GO, his response was almost as good as Hypo’s.

            Liked by 1 person

      • Jennifer Wilson July 21, 2016 at 5:01 pm #

        Gawd. I don’t want that image in my head 🙂


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