Dear Tony: calibrate this.

8 May
Suck that pencil, baby.

Suck that pencil, baby. Oh, yeah.

I can’t be arsed trying to whip up outrage about your latest “women of calibre should have babies” gaffe. You keep sticking your foot so far in your mouth the tip of your shoe can been seen poking out your anus, but the real mystery is in spite of that, you still seem to be more popular than the Prime Minister.

The irony is, Tones, nobody with any calibre would give you a second’s consideration as leader of this country. If you win that office it will be because rank idiots, who, according to you probably ought not to be encouraged to breed, have voted for you.

Money, dear, does not necessarily equate with calibre, though there are some moneyed persons who possess calibre as well. Your values could do with a tweak. Hanging out with pedophiles can discombobulate the strongest moral compass, as thousands of Catholic priests, bishops and cardinals continue to demonstrate, across the globe.

The fact that in spite of your many incompetencies your party continues to hold you in esteem as their leader says everything about their capacity for judgement. There comes a time in every party’s life when presenting a united front behind the leader is tantamount to grievous self-harm, and surely that time must be bearing down like a runaway horse on the LNP?

Who is advising you? Who is telling you what to say? Or are you making it all up on the run? I’ve heard rumours about your alleged use of Botox. Well, dear, I’m sorry but you’re putting it in the wrong place. Try your tongue. Oh, you already have?

Personally, I don’t think you or anyone advising you had the gumption to think through the many ramifications of your call for “women of calibre” to reproduce ourselves. Which I have already done, by the way, without, I might add, any assistance from any government, though it would have come in handy. These ramifications are on a continuum from the unpleasant to the downright eugenic. That would not have occurred to any of you, because you really believe there are such binaries as women with and without calibre, based, apparently on our capacity to earn.

I’m not sure where this leaves nurses, teachers, firewomen, policewomen, carers and all the other professionals we consider calibre-worthy, but pay jack shit.

What is really frightening is that people such as yourself, lacking all wisdom, insight, and judgement, driven only by the most rapacious will to power I have seen in human beings since my children were two-year-olds, apparently appeal to the Australian voter so much more than the government.

I just Googled “stupid photos of Tony Abbott” and there were so many my internet broke. Sometimes when I have nothing to do I try to imagine you with world leaders. Bwahahahahahahaha! Mate, you don’t have the calibre. You’re not a top gun.

In fact, you’re just a very small bore.

Cheers, Jennifer.


47 Responses to “Dear Tony: calibrate this.”

  1. Paul May 8, 2013 at 6:49 am #

    Oh dear Jen, you really do despise the man beyond redemption don’t you?
    While I generally enjoy your barely restrained outrage at everything Abbott, linking statements regarding increased support for parents to the usual inferences of sexism, and then banging in pedophilles and Botox to boot is really a bit of a reach.
    “If we want women of that calibre to have families, and we should, well, we have to give them a fair dinkum chance to do so.”
    Seeing as this statement was preceded by comments relating as to why highly educated women should not have to choose between their career or caring for an infant, I really can’t fathom how the context seems to have been so totally lost in translation.
    If we undermine the value that those us fortunate enough to hold post-graduate qualifications contribute to the commercial, public and academic sectors based purely on Abbott qualifying them as individuals of “calibre”, then our politics has truly eclipsed all common sense.
    Had either myself or my wife decided to shun our athiest, child-free, professional lives and start a family, I would like to think that the abcense of people with our skills, experience and “calibre” would be a detriment to our employers and the communities/sectors they service.
    Having recently watched a highly qualified, (and yes, highly paid) high “calibre” member of my staff struggle with the decision wether or not to start a family based purely on the income hit she would receive, I can only in good conscience support not only Abbotts policy, but his comments in this instance.
    It is a pity that my non-partisan view to his policy now makes me a “rank idiot”. Perhaps this is my penance for reading The Australian on the weekend.
    Keep fighting the good fight Jen. At some point though we will have to stop looking past Abbotts swimwear, religion, choice of hair product and watch glancing schedule if we are to have any chance of bringing grass roots policy debate out of the mire of faux-sexist/moral outrage.


    • Mara Miller May 8, 2013 at 7:36 am #

      Goodness, Paul, I’m glad your skills in English are not a criterion for inclusion to ‘people of your calibre’. “Abcense”? And Abbotts, twice without an apostrophe in the possessive?


      • zerograv1 May 8, 2013 at 8:21 am #

        Quick, someone call the grammar police?

        Although I consider Abbott a complete nong, a thoughtless puppet isnt unusual in leading Lib Parliamentary parties. They often choose people who will do as they’re told (Sneddon, Kennett) over those with a brain (eg Turnbull) since those with intellect are harder to manage from the back seat and have annoyances like their own opinion, an ability to debate and sometimes awkward moral compass positions (here Don Chipp springs to mind). It’s for this reason I dont care too much what Tony has to say, since although he may well re-institute Howards iron fist in the party room I dont think he will be the initiator of too much of the policy or idea. Anyone with two cents of IQ on that side of politics is probably smarter to gain a nice cosy seat in a State Legislative Council (is it still a 12 year term between elections?) and hang around influencing arriving parliamentarians without having to take any of the flack of Leadership.


      • Gruffbutt May 8, 2013 at 8:57 am #

        Beware of Muphry’s Law, Mara! But I was thinking the same thig…sorry, thing.

        Don’t let the Pauls of this world stop your moral outrage, Jen. It’s one of the more worthy forms of outrage, I would have thought. I hope Paul gives a toss about something worthwhile.


      • Gail May 8, 2013 at 4:52 pm #

        Agreed. Paul’s spelling and grammar are atrocious! If he is a high calibre post-graduate, then something is very wrong in our tertiary institutions!


        • helvityni May 8, 2013 at 6:00 pm #

          …and if the Australians think that Abbott is good enough to be their PM , then there is something very wrong with this country.


      • Hermie May 8, 2013 at 7:57 pm #

        is that all you can say Mara???? what about confining yourself to the argument at hand but maybe you are more obsessed with the grammer and people mispelling words then the subject matter


        • Mara Miller May 9, 2013 at 7:18 am #

          Hermie yep, I love picking holes in people who see themselves as a notch above the rest of us.


    • Jennifer Wilson May 8, 2013 at 9:42 am #

      OUCH!!!! That is to Paul.


      • doug quixote May 9, 2013 at 7:35 am #

        What does OUCH!!!! mean? His post is a miserable effort of misspellings and egregious errors, and he pretends to neutrality whilst putting the coalition line fed to him no doubt by the un’Australian’.

        Mara might have added “pedophilles” “athiest” and “wether” to “abcense” and lack of apostrophes.

        If he is post graduate, I want to talk to the intelligent idiot who let him through the course to a degree.

        Abbott’s parental leave scheme is pie in the sky which he never intends to implement; just another promise to “defer” (break), perhaps to reschedule it for the 2016 election campaign, if given the chance.


        • paul walter May 9, 2013 at 8:52 am #

          Who is this “Hernia” goose?
          And let not anyone identify this other shallow, self absorbed Hitler Youth type who goes by my name as having anything to do with me.
          He is actually a fair example of why I DON’T want to see an Abbott government in.


          • doug quixote May 9, 2013 at 9:19 am #

            There are probably quite a few Pauls out there in the world, Mr Walter. There is even a Doug Quixote, in the USA; quite an arty type it would seem.

            It is a sad fact of life for the conservatives of this world that most of the academics and University lecturers are left/progressive in their political leanings.

            Not for nothing do the rightist Christian lobby seek to gain control of the syllabus wherever they can, hoping to bring up a new generation in the ignorance we thought we’d left behind in the 1950s.

            Fundamentalists of all stripes – Islamists, Christians, Jews and whatever else – seek to control thought, especially amongst the young. They’ve probably given up on us adults, and merely try the occasional trolling to derail the discussion.

            The price of education it seems is also eternal vigilance, and not just that of liberty.


            • paul walter May 9, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

              THe US right is insane and the point of infection for much of Australia’s worst irrationalist crap.
              I meet a lot of genuinely fantastic US people on FB and like us, the crackpot right drives them nuts


    • Tarabrae May 8, 2013 at 1:40 pm #

      I guess you miss the point here. One issue is the use of the phrase “women of that calibre”. Well, exactly who is deciding what that calibre is? And which women meet it? I mean, is there a test? Do I need to fill in an application before I’m deemed of a high enough calibre to breed? Too late, already did it!

      And really? Women of that calibre (whatever that means) should have as their main purpose not their career, education, volunteer work, fuckability or whatever “calibre” is eventually determined to be, but to breed, because THAT is the best use of their talents, and obviously ALL women want children, yeah?

      If Abbott was really interested in making things easier for parents to balance work in and out of the home, he would make a great start at providing support services for single parents, many of whom are having to choose between poverty and somewhere below poverty. Or he would encourage employers to make family friendly workplaces that allow parents to try and fill ALL their responsibilities (because a stressed parent is not a productive one). Or any of the many ideas out there that parents would actually find helpful, rather than demeaningly suggesting that we should really be encouraging a certain sort of woman to breed.


      • samjandwich May 9, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

        Thanks for that Tarabrae – just goes to show that stating the obvious is sometimes quite useful.

        In fact you made me think of a word that hadn’t occurred to me until now: eugenics!


  2. Heather May 8, 2013 at 9:43 am #

    Thanks. I loved reading this article. Did my heart good.


    • S Smith May 8, 2013 at 10:07 am #

      Me too


  3. Toni Blackmore May 8, 2013 at 10:37 am #

    Yeah, he’s like the senile racist it’s too late to challenge or argue with. Hate what he’s saying but no longer shocked or outraged by it. Worrying because TA isn’t containable in the same way as a senile racist (should be IMO), quite the opposite, but I feel that same sense of the pointlessness of responding. Thanks for the wake-up call. Oh, and love, love, love Botox Tongue, so much begins to make sense!


    • paul walter May 8, 2013 at 3:48 pm #

      Wouldn’t it be helpful if people could wake up to their vicious IPA so called economics policy, as elaborated upon briefly by Joe Hockey the other day..
      Botox Tongue?
      That’s cute.


  4. Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 10:41 am #

    I really do not mind Abbott I guess it may be his support and participation in community based services


    • cm May 8, 2013 at 2:26 pm #

      I wouldn’t mind him either, if community service was all he did.


    • Marilyn May 8, 2013 at 3:08 pm #

      You do know he claims travel allowance for his out of state charity rides don’t you?


  5. Anndra May 8, 2013 at 11:28 am #



  6. hudsongodfrey May 8, 2013 at 12:31 pm #

    I think it is perfectly reasonable to express quite this level of sarcasm when an utterance is made that is so mind blowingly patronising as to refer to “women of calibre” within the space of the same sentence as a piece of advice like “should have babies”.

    All that is left to reflect on is the irony of the fact that we use the same word “calibre” for the size of the bullet he’s used to shoot himself in the foot with, or we’d be shooting ourselves in the head with were we to elect this unreconstructed buffoon.


    • Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 12:36 pm #

      Are you saying he is below par when compared to LIAR


      • hudsongodfrey May 8, 2013 at 12:41 pm #

        Who has been lying to you?


        • Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

          I try not to be lied to but I still watch the insiders on Australian Channel and they sneak in a few pink views there from time to time


          • hudsongodfrey May 8, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

            How dare they sneak in “pink views”! The right thing to do would clearly to be direct and overt in celebrating one’s pinkness at all times 🙂


            • Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

              My thoughts exactly


    • Jennifer Wilson May 8, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

      Thank you HG for validating my sarcasm.


  7. Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 12:57 pm #

    I have to get back to work in the real world of H K but you are very funny for a pinkie!!!1


  8. doug quixote May 8, 2013 at 1:08 pm #

    Wonderful Jennifer.

    I too despise and detest Abbott. He is John Howard with the addition of religion but without the competence.

    I am hard pressed to think of any redeeming features. He doesn’t even lie convincingly.


    • Robert Andrew West May 8, 2013 at 1:11 pm #

      Thats it over and out for me!!


  9. gerard oosterman May 8, 2013 at 3:24 pm #

    Is it true that Abbott is an early somewhat experimental example of 3 D Print? If not how come he was seen on his bike and in his swimmers at the same time? It’s getting spooky.


    • samjandwich May 8, 2013 at 4:15 pm #

      I read today that you can make a working gun with a 3D printer.Dare I suggest it might even be of the right calibre for Rabbit hunting. Can you still get locked up for saying that sort of thing?


      • JO May 8, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

        The most dangerous man to any government is the man who is able to think things out… without regard to the prevailing superstitions and taboos. Almost inevitably he comes to the conclusion that the government he lives under is dishonest, insane, intolerable.
        H. L. Mencken


        • hudsongodfrey May 8, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

          Wonderful quote that, but in this context doesn’t it almost among to the more pedestrian “Don’t vote. It only encourages the bastards.”

          Can we really approach an election so impotently as to regard a donkey vote as our only option?


      • hudsongodfrey May 9, 2013 at 10:59 pm #

        It is true, the files are readily available, but the end product doesn’t work very well.


        • paul walter May 10, 2013 at 12:35 am #

          I wonder that.
          I wonder that after the slimy antics involving IR today and the omnipresence of the vile IPA economics austerity blueprint


          • hudsongodfrey May 10, 2013 at 10:25 am #

            Not sure what that comment’s got to do with 3D printed gun parts Paul?


  10. Garpal Gumnut May 8, 2013 at 6:50 pm #

    So, Jennifer I think it would be fair to say that you dislike Tony Abbott, as is your right. I enjoyed your comment on calibre and bore.

    I seem to remember a parliamentary joust between Jim Killen and Gough Whitlam, when the former was demoted, about his successor being of lower calibre but a bigger bore, uttered by Gough.

    It is a shame that wit is absent in parliamentary debate these days, replaced by tears, faux apology, cant and wailing by times.

    An enjoyable article, though I disagree completely.


    • helvityni May 8, 2013 at 7:55 pm #

      GG, that’s what you do best. disagreeing. First you try to do it politely, pretty soon it stops being civil.


      • Paul May 9, 2013 at 12:35 pm #

        And what is it you are doing Helvityni?

        You frequently indulge in bullying, infantile accusations of identity or outright dismissal of other posters.

        Civil? Hardly.


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