I swear, you could not make this stuff up.
Late yesterday it was revealed that Immigration Minister Peter (Cabbage) Dutton sent a text describing journalist Samantha Maiden as “that mad fucking witch” to, wait for it, the “mad fucking witch” herself, in error. (True)
Apparently he was in a crowded bar after a hard day, the hour was late and he was far from home. A passing femme fatale brushed up against him with her ample breast, and his finger slipped as he was scrolling through his contacts list. (I made that bit up.)
This next bit is true, based on the information we’ve been given. Dutton’s text was meant for Jamie Briggs, who lost his ministerial portfolio only hours earlier after allegedly sexually harassing a subordinate in a crowded bar after a long day when he was far from home and she pierced him with her eyes.
Maiden had just published a column critical of Briggs’ behaviour and apparently Dutton’s text was in response to that criticism, and intended to give Briggs support in his time of trouble. After all, what man needs to listen to the opinions of a mad fucking witch?
Dutton was a member of the governance sub-committee who unanimously decided Briggs had to go, so his vehement disagreement with Maiden’s opinion appears, at first blush, odd. But we are used to odd from the Immigration Minister, aren’t we.
By now Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull, who seems to have retreated to his multi-million dollar bunker with harbour views to have a good think, might be wishing he’d stayed in merchant banking, as one cabinet minister after another redefines the outer limits of sleaze, sexism, and stupid.
These things frequently, like Tony Abbott’s slogans (and the witches in Macbeth, lololololol) come in threes, so who will be next? I’m keeping my fingers crossed it’s Scott Morrison.
It must be a source of great frustration for Turnbull that his ministers are unable to keep their contempt for women in check, given his recent blatherings on the need for men to show respect towards us as the first step in ending epidemic proportions of violence against us. Ordered by their leader to control their primitive urges, Briggs and Dutton have finally broken bad with the sense of entitlement and contemptuous verbal abuse we are now seeing is the default position of LNP males towards women.
Sooner or later it’s going to sink in that while they might get away with all manner of perfidy, the time when they can abuse women and get away with it is rapidly coming to an end. Or they’ll die out, like the dinosaurs they are, in the unstoppable onslaught of the Mad Fucking Witches’ meteoric wrath.
I cannot wait to see how The Australian journalist Chris Kenny writes up this latest episode. Kenny is a great believer in taking legal action against those who cause him offence. Some of you may remember the controversial suggestion made by The Chaser some years ago that Kenny was a dog fucker, the raising of which possibility landed them in court and caused the ABC to humbly apologise for any tasteless insinuations of bestiality. Logically, Kenny ought to be urging Maiden and the woman in the Hong Kong bar with piercing eyes to call their lawyers, though Kenny and logic are really not words that should appear in the same sentence.
Today we are all Mad Fucking Witches as, apparently, any woman with a mind and an opinion who doesn’t want to be barefoot and pregnant or a member of the LNP, must be. So this Mad Fucking Witch is making a voodoo dolly and buying pins while considering original places where the sun don’t shine in which she might park her broomstick while she does the ironing.
Here’s the thing. It’s very straightforward. Don’t touch us without permission. Don’t verbally abuse us, especially if you don’t know how to send a text. This is what respect means, you dumb fucking warlocks, and if you can’t get your cabbage heads around that come here, and let me pierce you with my eyes. I’m a witch. My gaze is fatal.
No Place For Sheep 
Oh my God! Those warlocks need to know that the bitches of Canbrick mean business, that there is more to a woman than her breasts and her vagina.
Those warlocks need to remember that they were born from a mother, a woman, just like the rest of us ‘bitches’ – and how would they feel if she were treated with such contempt?
May our eyes pierce their souls and bust their balls like never before! Women unite and don’t take a warlocks scum, instead let him suck up his own.
Ok. Rant over.
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Excellent rant, Gina!
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Gina, unabridgeda. #connectiveleap
Oops, this is not Twitter. It is Tuesday.
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When I was young and still lovely (well not bad looking) I used to be hit on quite a bit by scum. I had a stock reaction and answer which shocked the poor wee lads.
I would look them up and down with a piercing gaze a couple of times till they started wriggling, then state coldly ”If I want be fucked I will ask, and I ain’t asking you”.
Strangely the scum thought it was awesome but slunk off like the chickenshits they actually were.
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lololololol it was awesome.
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I promised you a tangent, but you keep interrupting me. In the meantime, will this help?
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Disappointingly, Samantha Maiden was quoted on the radio this morning as saying that she wasn’t offended and that she and Peter Dutton had had a mutual laughing-it-off session.
As I was listening to this I found myself thinking, that’s precisely what Miranda Devine would say. Typical Newscorp really.
(and, yikes what a shock to be exposed to news again after two weeks of incommunicado. Is it possible to switch off for good and still be in touch with reality??)
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Chris Kenny was not a dogfucker, he never had sex with that dog because there was no penetration and the kissing did not involve tongues. Any comment saying otherwise is not true.
PS it was very pretty though.
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Why disappointed – I thought you might have been a liberationist – she is quite within her (modern) rights to affirm or deny her ok-ness with it – seriously this blog is starting to read like its only attended by a bunch of neurotic wowsers nowdays…..are you running for Pope or something? The persistent holier than though attitude in the comments is lower than even poor argument in a debating sense ……taken to its extreme we will all have to bind our corsets or have penis surgery …..time for a swing to the centre I think. Although everyones entitled to their opinion even the ABC is starting to sound like a bunch of puritanical throwbacks. The only time I see a problem with personal approaches is when the attention is unwanted, made clear and ignored …..flirting even if the signs were misread and misjudged is a 100% part of the process that brought you to life…..thought about what would happen if we all were made to look straight ahead and not approach the opposite sex? Ever? See what I mean…..time for a good llie down and think….theres more to it than horried puritanism. Or did Melinda Tankard whatsherface end up buying this blog from Jennifer?
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Zerograv, take your own advice and have a good lie down.
Obviously people do what they want to do and within the law, they’re allowed to. Other people are allowed to disagree with them. It’s called democracy. Disagreement doesn’t equal censorship.
Just breathe.
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It is a good point you raise though Zerograv. I’m a bit wary of the ease with which debate on what other people do can slip into a sanctimonious and uncompromising dictatorship. See here for an example: http://www.smh.com.au/comment/jamie-briggs-and-so-many-men-like-him-fail-to-get-it-20160104-glyrq9.html
I’m not asking Samantha Maiden to wholeheartedly condemn the fact that Dutton intended but failed to call her a mad fucking witch behind her back. If nothing else her employment status precludes her from doing so (another sad part of this though some forces are bigger than individuals).
What I think Maiden should have said is that she has discussed the matter with Dutton and that they had come to an understanding that while understandable it was ultimately poor form and reflected badly on him and Briggs and that she hoped he would learn from this experience… and saying this would make sense since Dutton and Briggs clearly need to be told where to go more often than has evidently occurred in the past.
But by publicly downplaying what Dutton did, she is undermining the sorts of principles – like respect, integrity, self-awareness, consideration for others – that are necessary in order for us all to get along in more productive ways, improve our ability to demystify each other’s motives, be less frightened of and traumatised by each other, and develop a higher, more nuanced regard for one’s fellow human … and thereby become less reluctant about getting intimate with each other!
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Well said, Sam. Obviously Maiden has a lot to consider not least of which is her livelihood, whether we approve of it or not.
But as you note, it would have been so good if she’d refrained from downplaying and said, in a neutral way which is possible, that what he said was unacceptable personally and more broadly.
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All yoose women, what is the matter? An occasional bloke (this applies to most girlies here, LOL), an occasional bloke drunkenly plants one on ya, compliments you by showing just how much he’d like to give you a good rogering and yoose get all high ‘n mighty – anyone would think yoose wanted to be treated with respect or something… like, yoose all think your (sic) better than the average bloke, who’s just ‘ad few too many brewskies.
Bunch of screaming feminazis the lottayoose.
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I think you captured the tone perfectly diannaart 🙂
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Hein? ‘pears my comment just evaporated so apologies if it reappears…
… what I was going to say was, I was disappointed to hear Samantha Maiden on the radio this morning saying that she “wasn’t offended” and that she and Peter Dutton had together “laughed it off”.
And while I was listening to this I found myself thinking, that’s precisely what Miranda Devine would say. Typical Newscorp really.
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I’ve had to start moderating comments since the weekend onslaught of men who want to disembowel me for having an opinion, so that might be why Sam.
Yes, totally typical newscorpse
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I see – or as my Grandmother used to say, aaaaannnngghh!
My short-term memory’s pretty good though aye?
Sorry to hear you’ve had to resort to moderating Jennifer. I quite agree though that the only reliable way to deal with abusive people is to cut off their air supply.
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You haven’t wrecked it yet with a dissolute lifestyle just kidding 🙂
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Is Dutton a bigger fool than Briggs? Maiden’s next article should examine that issue.
Of course, the style of a government is set by its leader, and Dutton’s leader was Abbott and probably still is.
I have said, quite often, that this is a Keystone Kops government. One that bungles and bumbles its dozy way through the corridors of power. It keeps on proving me right, even after changing the frontman and thereby applying lipstick to the pig.
But to mix the metaphors, you can’t polish a turd.
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An authoritative view on the debacle, FWIW:
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I am sure the keystone cops were more competent and rational.
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Turnbull certainly chose wisely when he put this bloke on a pedestal to show the world exactly what the LNP stood for.
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Well, he was happy to have Brough, Briggs, Morrison, Dutton, Roy-boy, Pyne, Ms Cash…
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Love your irony, Townsville. 🙂
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Why is it that you think it to be irony, Grasshopper? Is there not a place for dog-shaming in the political firmament?
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Never shame a dog. The karma is awful
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It’s a shame that I can only like this once. That’s no reflection on just how wholeheartedly I agree with you on everything.
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LOL, thank you 🙂
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Very well put.
Dutton can’t manage texting and yet he is in charge of Immigration, Border Force and we know what a farce they are, and detention centres where they can’t even manage to ensure adequate clean water. To horrible to contemplate.
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Soooooooooo cathartic, Jennifer.
I’ll be back, when I have caught up on some sleep. (A night out on the broomstick, I’m exhausted).
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Rest and recuperate. It’s not over yet 🙂
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And his next move was to apologise. Because in today’s political (and not just there) world, you can do whatever you like as long as you ‘apologise’ publicly for it afterwards. This stuff is appalling. I do hope you are right that the time of such behaviour being acceptable, and even laudable (except when they have to say public days, ‘we love the wimminz’), is nearly done. I’m not sure I can share your confidence and find every day that I’m left astonished and disturbed by the sheer volume and level of women hatred that seems to exist for reasons unrelated to anything women actually say or do.
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Such exquisitely pointed ridicule – one of your best ever, Jennifer!
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Thanks Fiona. The Witch Goddess inspired me
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On technological preventive measures. And eponymity.
https://twitter.com/ItsBouquet/status/683812984460726273
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Oh, that is excellent Forrest.
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Lovely piece of irony plus a good rant, Jennifer. I’m sure you feel better for it.
However, I must correct you on one point: Dutton is not a cabbage.
I can only see him with eyes, nose & mouth drawn on a washed potato. (I’m a First Dog fan).
Unfortunately, the story will be dead in a week (apology accepted; had a good laugh; just joking; let’s get on with good government by adults, etc, etc).
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Thanks Geoff, and yes, I did have an argument with myself about cabbage v potato.
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Brussels Sprout, I thought. But it appears we can agree upon a rounded vegetable, though perhaps with a slightly higher IQ than most of them. 🙂
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Nobody’s mentioned a choko…
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A Choko – a tasteless, colourless vegetable that takes over whole gardens and would survive a nuclear holocaust. Just about describes most of the LNP and ALP today.
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You’re on fire wicked woolly one!
What selection criteria has Turnbull used to fill his ministerial positions?
Demonstrate high level WHAT skills?? Seriously, you would not want any of them as president of the local high school P&C.
These boys are demonstrating Year 9 behaviour, and it is truly frightening that they are ‘governing’ Australia.
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You know, Di I think Turnbull’s only selection process is who do I need to keep the RWNJs satisfied so I can stay PM.
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My sister, a retired High School Maths teacher has just pointed out that I am unfairly maligning year nine boys 😦
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LOL, well maybe some of them…
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Diane, with this Dutton debacle, I thought there was Mal’s chance to demote him to the backbenches, but no, our ‘charming’ PM is happy with his Immigration Minister. Sigh.
High standards all round…
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Turnbull walks a fine line – trying to appease the right wing nut jobs & keep his “integrity.” He’ll come undone for sure.
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Appeasing rightwingnutjobs AND keeping one’s integrity? Not even Mal $’s Turnbull can manage that piece of oxymoronic behaviour for much longer. Of course, he only has to win the next election…
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